Everyone's a comedian...

Dad only likes my posts when they're funny so I gotta step up the comedy factor. Heres a funny story to tie you over, and sorry mom but its probably PG-13 at best. Mwahaha.

Toilet Humor
First off, as I get older i'm getting more and more creeped out by public bathrooms. I mean, I'm not to the point of laying down toilet paper all the way around the seat-- no I prefer the hover method. Ty, ask mom to explain. But i'm talking about in work, why is it that no can quietly go poop?! I'll be sitting there, minding my own biz, and someone will come into the stall and about 3 seconds later there's an explosion that would rival Hiroshima. Now my concern is that people are holding it until the last minute -- and I only say that with confidence because that explosion is coupled with a comprehensive sigh. GROSS. Furthermore, why is it that there are four stalls and they ALWAYS choose the one next to me!? Now, for a bit of background, there are three normal-sized stalls, and one handicap stall. Its HUGE and glorious. I like to refer to it as "flying business class" or cordially "biz". So I'm already in the best stall, and its already the farthest away from the door. Now under our current theory, these people are about 6 seconds away from defecating their britches, so I don't know why they feel the need to run to the 3rd stall down. Worst of all though is the curiousity of it. I work in an office of ~60 people -- probably <40 males. I have to know which guy was the culprit of Beethoven's latest symphony in S(hit)-flat. And you can NEVER find out who these guys are because they sit in there and wait for you to leave. Hell, they're like Clark Kent in there going to great lengths to protect their secret identity...they'll stay in the bathroom all day waiting for you to leave. I Got news for ya Superman -- When you sit down next to me, i can see your shoes!! Its only a matter of time before I find out who you are.

Basketball
So I finally have enough guys at work to form a decent basketball team. We found a league at the gym downtown and we play every Wednesday night. Its fun. The rules are a running 20-minute clock for two halves (to compare, college is a 20minute stopped clock 2-half game) and everything else is normal. So last week we managed to score 78 points and yours truly had 26. To put this in perspective, UNC averaged 91.6 points per game last season with the clock stopping at dead balls. Not bad, right?! We lost the game. No, let me rephrase, we weren't even IN the game. The other team scored 131 POINTS!!!!! With no substitutions. It was awful. They just shot 3s every time down the court and made at least 60% of them. Say what you want about it being racist but black people are just better at basketball on average...us white guys should probably focus on tennis, golf, racquetball, and other lifetime sports. jeez.

Work
Here's a fun little comparison of how much my job has changed since I started:
The format is as follows:
TOPIC: BEFORE // PRESENTLY

Happy Hours: Monthly // Cancelled
Bonuses: Semi-Annually // Cancelled indefinitely
GMAT Class: Free for Senior Analysts // Cancelled
Hours: Had to work 8-7 to keep up // Working 9-5 5 days a week is more than enough
Employees: 66 Billable professionals // 49 Billable professionals
New analysts: 6-8 per year // 1 this year, starts in January 2010
Events: 1 mtg per quarter, at restaurant // 1 mtg per quarter, in breakroom
Promotions: Given almost annually for good work // Very infrequently
Attitude towards employees:
We invest in strong performers to keep them // you're lucky to have a job.

FAMILYFRieNDSLIFE. Remember work is just a means to an end, and that end is happiness.
MERC-OUT.